Your companion is not ‘just a pet’. You are allowed to grieve. For some people it hits hard, sometimes even more so than the loss of a (human) family member. And yet sadly pet loss can sometimes be seen as disenfranchised grief: when the human-animal relationship, the loss or the griever are not socially recognised; the loss is not easily openly acknowledged, publicly mourned and/or socially supported.
And why shouldn’t it hit hard? Your friend has given you unconditional love. Us humans rarely achieve our pets’ amazing capacity to love.
I have loved many pets but found I was particularly hit hard by the loss of three of them. One I am still grieving.
Did you know that in America it is now quite normal to have social workers and chaplains working alongside end of life veterinary care providers? They counsel you (and they counsel us).
So if you are struggling, whether before or after saying goodbye, we will do our best to put you in touch with a pet bereavement counsellor or other mental health professional to guide you through.
Having lost many wonderful pets in different circumstances, and having also been immersed in the role of carer for many of them in diseases with entirely different trajectories, I have become more aware than ever of the anticipatory grief, never mind the physical toll, of being that dedicated caregiver. I understand the fear paralysis that can halt decision making.
Here is some information on anticipatory and normal grief. We say ‘normal’ to distinguish it from complicated (prolonged) grief, such as may be the case if the circumstances of the loss were traumatic. Complicated grief requires professional support. Normal grief will be individual to you. There is no linear progression through it. We move forwards; we grow around it; emotions must be felt to allow for healing. It can be intensely painful.
Please also make use of our colleagues and sites listed below. Support can be sought both before and after the loss of your companion.
Carrie Kearns Companion Animal Bereavement Counselling ckpetbereavementhypnotherapy.co.uk
Paws to Listen, Cats Protection League
Honouring the Bond, OSU
Argus Institute, CSU
Losing Lulu Grieving behavioural euthanasia
We have also put together some information for families with children and teens to help you guide them through.
And, remember, please, you can always talk to us.