Ages 0-3 | Ages 3-5 | Ages 5-8 | Ages 9-12 | Ages 13-18 | |
Understanding of death | Infants as young as 4 mo. recognize emotional expressions in others and can feel their parents’ grief. | Don’t understand that death is permanent and irreversible. Prone to “magical thinking”. | Begin to understand that death is permanent, but they struggle to understand the “how”. | Death is permanent and happens to everyone. May have morbid curiosity, or fears about others dying. | Teens’ understanding of and response to death are more similar to an adult’s than to children. |
Grief manifestation | Sleep disturbances, explosive emotions, or regressive behavior. | Crying, confusion, and regression. | May express anger toward the pet, situation, or even the vet. May ask many questions about the mechanics of death or body care. | May struggle to express their grief and try to keep their feelings hidden. | May try to avoid talking about grief, leading parents to think grief is not impacting them. Research shows that teens often have more intense grief than other age groups. |
How adults can help | Parents can use soft, reassuring voices and movements to ensure the child feels secure. | Give clear and simple answers to questions, read from books about loss, create a secure environment, and encourage physical expressions such as drawing and playing. | Answer questions directly, using the correct language, and let them know it’s okay to feel the emotions they’re feeling. Encourage play, drawing, and stories to express grief. | Parents should facilitate honest conversations, role model talking about grief, and ask children questions about their grief. | Encourage open discussions, create opportunities to memorialize and express grief in non-verbal ways, and encourage teens to play an active role in the family’s grief process. |